The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the Head

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, having sex carries immense significance and consequences.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).

B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels aside from physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are brought in to extremely tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel very near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in effective sensations of go to the website attraction, excitement, wellness, love, and closeness .

When problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They probably would not confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, states that numerous of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men especially in urban areas, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable, numerous gay men desire to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".

North adds, "I suspect this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is Discover More Here a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow with time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and reality hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with common sense. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, objectives, and values -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!

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