The Sex Trap, Balancing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate good sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex brings immense meaning and repercussions.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be great also).

B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels besides physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), visit the website which makes the chance to make love with someone we are drawn in to incredibly hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are involuntary and strong , leading to effective sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, wellness, closeness, and love .

When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is great!" They probably wouldn't confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, states that a lot of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay males especially in city locations, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sexual activity. Lots of gay men want to discover out from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".

North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point read more out that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow over time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and reality hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, worths, and objectives -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!

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