The Sexuality Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Brain

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs analyze excellent sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, having sex brings enormous significance and repercussions.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).

B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels aside from physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are attracted to incredibly tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in effective feelings of attraction, enjoyment, nearness, wellness, and love .

When issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They most likely wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry address North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, states that numerous of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay males particularly in city areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sex. If a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible, lots of gay guys desire to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".

Nevertheless, North adds, "I think this is a 'guy' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is crucial. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow over time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and reality hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, values, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!

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